Lonely

외톨이야, 외톨이야!!!!!
I'm feeling sooooo lonely right now it's not even funny!!!
Nono not the iwantsomeonetocuddlemeinthemiddleofthenight kind of lonely (although that does happen sometimes) but more of the ihavenofriends kind of lonely :(
Okok lemme tell you why

I was in office one fine day and I was almost bored to death but pretended to be busy. It was almost lunch time and I saw 2 of my colleagues (Seungho** and Thunder**) from my department whom I thought would have the courtesy to ask me if I would like to join them for lunch cos we are all from the same batch and I thought we are FRIIEEENDDDSSS but they DID NOT and left for lunch without me, without even asking me T.T So I was like oh shit! Does this mean I have to eat lunch alone naooooo? I faster faster click on my communicator to see who's online at the moment and I saw Hara**! I asked her who she'll be having lunch with, trying to sound as selamba as I can cos I don't want her to know that I'm desperate!!!!! I forget what she replied but she asked me "Seungho** and Thunder** never ask you to go lunch together meh?" and I was like "noooooo they left already" and she was like "ok meet me downstairs now". So I did and went to a restaurant with her only to found out that Seungho**, Thunder**, Hara** and my other colleagues, also from the same batch already planned to have lunch together!!! And they never even asked me!!!! And I know all of the ppl there!!!!! *criiiieeeees*
Maybe I'm overacting a little but I can't help feeling insecure and asking questions like "am I that unlikable? Do I look that intimidating? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FACE?!"
To make the situation less awkward, I decided to ask Seungho** why didn't he ajak me and he said that he dare not disturb me cos I looked busy. So I thought "DAMN!!! I MUST HAVE SOME TALENT IN ACTING MUAHAHAHAHA" NOT! It was such a bad excuse okay. Busy don't need to eat wan isit?

If I'm out on job, I don't have such worries cos I would be eating with my team members for sure. But once I'm back in the office, it really bugs me cos I would be tagging along different colleagues for lunch each time. It's like I have no friends and there's none that I'm comfortable with.

Then there's this time when Seungho** told me that Nicole** said I walk like a robot and everytime she sees me coming in the office she'll be like "ROBOT COMING! ROBOT COMING!"
I don't know if she was really making fun of me or it was just plain teasing but it really makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm really not. It just makes me feel very insecure. If you know what I mean

Maybe I'm still new and I would probably have my own cliques as time goes by. Maybe I do look intimidating that no one dares to befriend me. Maybe my breath stinks and I have BO. Maybe I look stupid and they're afraid that my stupidity is contagious O.O So many maybes. I just hope things will get better cos I DON'T WANNA BE A LONER FOREVVVAAAAA


Oh btw, I'm not trying to bodek or anything but I WANT KELLY BACK HERE!!! Cos she makes the effort to ask us out for yumcha or for movies or just to hang out so she can tell us stories keke and most importantly she makes me feel like I HAVE FRIENDS!!! omg so cheesy!!!!! Lol

Btw again, I colored my hair today!!! 8DDD It was supposed to turn out very blonde with green reflect but I still don't see the color. Hopefully it'll get lighter after a few wash. Oh and another thing!!!!! I fell sick after working till 12am for two consecutive days T.T and I haven't been sick for a long long time. This is so bad!!!!!


** names changed to protect identity


Current music: Easy - 비스트(Beast)